it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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