the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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