Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
