I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
