my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
