She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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