Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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