Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
