That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We had sex on a dog bed..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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