I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
