I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
