Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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