he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
