Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
