I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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