the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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