It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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