And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
