Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
