Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
