wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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