dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize