Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
