i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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