I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
