could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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