Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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