You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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