I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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