so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
