So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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