So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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