when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
