Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
