I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
