I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
