It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it was like eating out sand paper
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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