I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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