If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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