Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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