found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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