Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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