Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
