Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(785): View more from Kansas

I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

so I ended up banging her last night

(1-414): View more from Wisconsin

dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?

(414): View more from Wisconsin

i don't even remember

Fav 8 1100 3932
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.

Fav 35 6472 1288
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(973): View more from New Jersey

you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.

Fav 32 1611 5543
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(305): View more from Florida

I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?

(1-305): View more from Florida

Seriously?

(305): View more from Florida

100%

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(317): View more from Indiana

Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.

Fav 9 1939 1288
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(701): View more from North Dakota

I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.

Fav 2 1506 661
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(318): View more from Louisiana

I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.

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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill

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