For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
