is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
