I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Found your dick twin last night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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