I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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