cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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