Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
