come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
