he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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