I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
