Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
