In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
