Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
