two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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