So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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