I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
