Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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