At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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