Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
