Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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