Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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