So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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