So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
