You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
