He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
