As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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