I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
