He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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