I want to stick my p in your. b.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
