You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
