I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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