Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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