i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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