I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize