you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
