Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
